All's Fair
by KeiranEmrys
Summary: All's fair in love and war. But what happens when the love is too much to bear and the war in your heart turns to chaos? Will it be to late? Tom/Bill. Kaulitzcest. Tokio Hotel.


All's fair in love and war. But what happens when the love is too much to bear and the war in your heart turns to chaos? Will it be to late?

The song is from part of the movie 'Moulin Rouge'. if you haven't seen it, i highly recommend it. the scene i tookit from is the Roxanne Tango scene, which is in my opinion the most heartwrenching and best scene in the whole movie. i did modify the lyrics a bit by changing "his" to "her".

i felt kinda crappy while writing this and i think it shows a bit. but i hope its alright and that you enjoy it. ^_^

_Her eyes upon your face,_

_Her hand upon your hand._

Bill winced as he tasted the strong alcohol in the drink he'd just taken a sip from. He'd never had it before and hadn't known it would be that strong. It was fruity, but he was pretty sure there was rum in it, lots and lots of rum. But that was alright. He had no intention of staying sober tonight.

He took another large gulp of the drink and shifted in his seat, glancing around the dark club. No matter where he looked, it all seemed the same. Sweaty, half-naked bodies grinding and moving together to the pulse of the music blaring from hidden speakers.

His dark painted eyes did not linger on the dancers for too long, however. He didn't like the club life, not really. He only ever went out with his band mates to get drunk. And besides, it got lonely sitting up in a hotel room with nothing to do and no one but the silence to keep you company. But still, he found the loudness of the hot and stuffy clubs too overbearing. Not all the alcohol and cigarettes in the world could make that kind of atmosphere any more inviting to him.

Bill sighed to himself and dragged himself out of his seat. He pushed his way through a tight crowd, well aware of the numerous pinches and slaps to his ass. He paid them no mind, just shrugged them off as usual. When he finally found the door, he wasn't surprised to find Saki standing next to him. The bodyguard had an uncanny ability to track down the group mates, and this time was no exception. He gave a stiff nod the bulky man and glanced back once more.

The sight that caught his eye was like a knife to his heart, no matter how used to it he was. There was Tom, his brother, his best friend, his everything. And what was Tom doing? He was leaning back on a small couch, head tipped back in pleasure. Some stupid slut was all over him. No, make that two stupid sluts, as another blond girl came to join in on the "fun".

Bill's eyes narrowed. Even though he'd seen it hundreds of times with hundreds of girls and in hundreds of places, it wasn't exactly something he got used to. In fact, he'd seen it so much that he'd come to hate it, despise it, even loathe it.

Bill quickly turned from the scene and rushed outside, eager to feel the cold air on his face. The door slammed shut behind him, almost smacking Saki in the face, but he was beyond caring. He just wanted to get back to the hotel and forget about everything tonight. He wanted to get back to the hotel and pass out and he wanted to go_ now_.

He leaned over a rail, his breathing slightly quicker than before. Saki came up to him and touched his shoulder, wanting to know if he was alright. Bill flinched and moved away from the touch. He didn't want to be comforted right now. He just wanted to leave. Couldn't Saki see that?

"Please Saki, just take me back to the hotel now."

Saki hesitated, reluctant to leave the others behind unguarded, but seeing the state Bill was in he quickly made up his mind. He helped the tall boy into the black van parked on the street and headed back to the hotel.

_Her lips upon your skin,_

_It's more than I can stand._

Back at the hotel Bill thanked Saki and quickly headed for the in-suite bathroom. It wasn't much really. Just a sink, toilet and small shower. Hardly luxurious or fancy. But it would serve his purpose. He turned the shower on and began to peel his heavy clothes off. He took out some make-up removal crème and started wiping the dark rings from around his eyes.

The steam had almost completely filled the bathroom by the time he had finished. Slightly annoyed he wiped the fog off the mirror. He stood there, naked, the shower running, for a few minutes. He stared at his reflection. He didn't really know why he was staring. Maybe trying to find Tom somewhere inside himself. Funny, for all that they were identical twins, Bill couldn't find his brother in his face. At least not anymore.

Tom had changed a lot in their quick rise to fame. Sure, he was still as assertive and stubborn as ever. But now he was rude, arrogant, and, for lack of a better term, a man-whore. His cocky attitude was nothing like the Tom he'd grown up and fell in love with. This new Tom, whoever he was, was an ass. A complete and total jerk.

Bill sighed. It was no use moping about how his brother had changed. He had and that was that. It was all past and there was nothing he could do to change it. He turned from the fogged up mirror and stepped into the pleasantly hot shower. He was surprised he hadn't wasted all the hot water with all the time he'd stood contemplating his brother. It was stupid really, to think Tom would go back to the boy Bill knew.

He quickly finished washing himself, hoping to also wash away the feeling in the pit of his stomach that always came when he thought of Tom. He turned off the shower and stepped out onto the mat. He stood there, letting the wetness on his skin grow cold and seep into his bones.

He closed his eyes and breathed slowly out. When he opened them, his knees felt weak. He quickly toweled off his body and left the bathroom.

Not even bothering with his wet hair he pulled on a pair of boxers and a t-shirt and crawled under the many covers on his large bed. It was a large bed, Queen size in fact. But sometimes it just felt too large. Sometimes like now.

He'd closed his eyes and was just about to start counting sheep when he heard a noise. It came from the door connecting his room to Tom's and it had sounded familiar. It had sounded like the all too familiar annoying giggle of some blond-haired, fake-boobed, big-ass slut. Of course, Tom had to bring back a chick. Again.

Bill dug himself deeper into the covers and tried to block out the grunts and moans that he could now hear clearly from behind the door. He shoved a pillow over his exposed ear and squeezed his eyes shut, but to no avail. He could still hear the couple clearly as if they were right next him.

Bill had to blink back tears as he heard his brother give one final yell and screamed the girl's name. No, not blink them back, squeeze them back. The urge to cry was so strong, but he wouldn't let himself. He wouldn't be weak. Especially not about this. When the tightness in his throat had finally cleared up some and his eyes didn't feel so wet anymore, he relaxed his grip in the pillow he held to his head. He opened his eyes and looked into the darkness of the room.

It was stupid really, that he even entertained the idea that he could have his Tomi back. It didn't look like this new Tom was going anywhere soon.

_Why does my heart cry?_

_Feelings I can't fight._

The next day Bill woke to pounding on his door.

"Bill! Come one sleeping beauty, we've got soundcheck in an hour!"

The black-haired boy just groaned. He was way too comfortable to get up for soundcheck. And he certainly didn't want to get up and face his brother. Not after last night. Especially not when he felt so damn shitty.

"Fuck," he mumbled. Slowly, as if it brought him pain, he lifted the covers off him, only to be met by the freezing cold air. Immediately his skin went into defense mode and goose bumps sprouted up all over his body. Shivering tremendously, he decided that if he wanted to get warm he'd better get up and move.

Bill gingerly pressed his feet the equally cold floor and shuffled slowly to the bathroom. Maybe a nice warm shower would help.

He stepped back into the room a half-hour later, feeling much warmer and a lot fresher. Though he was still a bit groggy, he knew that once he got some food in his system he'd be wide awake. Despite not really wanting to sing at all today, he grudgingly pulled on some clothes and sunglasses and headed down to the lobby to meet with the other three.

The elevator made a dinging sound, signaling that he had reached the lobby. The doors opened and he scanned the floor for his band mates. He spotted his brother first. Tom was in a ridiculously huge white jacket with matching humongous white pants. The copious amounts of the innocent color looked rather amusing on the dreadlocked teen.

He seemed to be talking quite vigorously about something to Georg, who seemed just as much interested. As Bill drifted closer, he could hear his brother's excited voice and suddenly he knew exactly what they were discussing. The groupie he'd fucked last night.

He tried to act normal as he walked over to them. He smiled at Gustav and sat next to him, as far away from Tom as he could. He tried to block out Tom's excited voice as he recounted last night. Luckily, Bill was saved from having to listen to the story all over again by David rushing over with Saki trailing behind him. David clapped his hands together and smiled eagerly at the band.

"Okay boys. Ready for soundcheck and rehearsal this morning? Come on boys, we've got a big night ahead of us."

All four boys bit back a groan. As much as they loved performing, they hated rehearsals. Talk about boring. But they grudgingly followed their bodyguard out to the van.

That day, the rehearsal was as boring as ever. All the sound systems were working fine, and despite the fact that Bill was slightly out of it for most of the day, everything went off smoothly. The concert went off without a hitch. Though not the most spectacular show they had ever done, it was still fun for the fans and the band. Still, everyone could see that Bill wasn't his usual chipper self.

When the concert was over and they had signed every scrap of paper shoved at them, they finally got back to the hotel. Bill sighed as they stepped into the elevator. He leaned against the wall and closed his eyes. He was eager to get back to his room and take a nice warm shower.

The elevator had only been moving for a few seconds when Bill felt a hand on his wrist. He cracked open an eye and found himself looking into identical brown eyes. Tom was really close to him, almost too close to be considered brotherly, but Bill just assumed it was because of the small space left in the crowded elevator. His brother was currently looking at him with what seemed to be concern. His eyebrows knitted together as he looked over his little brother.

"Are you alright Billa? You seemed kind of… distant today."

Tom's voice was soft and quiet; like he was telling a secret, like asking his twin if he was alright was something to be kept quiet. But Bill recognized the sincere concern. He gave a small smile.

"I'm fine Tom. Just… tired I suppose."

Tom nodded and squeezed Bill's wrist. He turned to the elevator doors as they opened. Tom gently tugged on the wrist he held and led the sleepy singer to his room. He quickly reached a hand into Bill's tight pocket to get his room key and guided him into the room. He set the black haired boy on the bed, where he immediately fell back on the covers. Tom started to remove Bill's clothes for him. The singer just lay there, letting his big brother take care of him.

He was exhausted; he didn't even really feel like getting up to shower anymore. He let out a sigh, unaware of Tom's eyes watching him.

"You want me to stay with you tonight, Billa?"

That was the second time Tom had used Bill's old nickname. It was kind of nice to have a bit of the old Tomi back, but it only made him wish for old times more. He smiled sadly at Tom's inquiry and shook his head slightly.

"No it's alright. You go. Have fun. I'll just stay here and fall asleep."

"You sure?"

"Mhmm."

Tom stared at him for a moment. He nodded and stepped back.

"Okay. But we should spend some time together sometime soon. Maybe a movie night next week. We haven't had one in a while."

"That'd be nice. I'll hold you to that."

Tom chuckled and pat Bill on the head as if he was a child. Bill's hair was still up and puffy from the concert. Tom ran his hand through the soft, spiky mass of black. Then he turned and left the room, only glancing back to see his twin curled up and already asleep.

Later that night, or more closely to the next morning, Tom and the G's came back. None were as drunk as the night before. Even more surprising was the fact that tonight he had not brought back a groupie. They finally got up to their floor and parted ways.

Before Tom went to his own room though, he stopped to check in on Bill. He found the black haired boy curled up in the same position as when he'd left him, sound asleep. He smiled and headed to his own room. The thought remained though. Something was up with Bill, he just didn't know what.

_You're free to leave me,_

_But just don't deceive me._

One week later.

It had been a while since they were in Berlin. Now, even though they had a huge show and had to sleep in the bus still, it was nice to get that feeling of home once again. Luckily though, they were stopping at a hotel for tonight.

The crew was milling to and from the buses, transporting Tokio Hotel's bags as usual. And as usual the boys were relaxing in the bus, eating breakfast and watching the big strong men do all the hard work. Well Bill was at least. Tom on the other hand was dressed up and ready to go, but not up to their hotel rooms, as one would expect.

"Where are you going?" Since it was very obvious to Bill the his brother was ditching, he was very much interested where the fuck he really was going. Tom's reply was curt, bordering on cold.

"Out."

"Out where?"

"Just out ok? Don't wait up." Tom had become frustrated, that much showed. Even his stance reflected that he thought Bill was holing him from something and that he'd rather not be there listening to his little brother bitch all morning about where Tom got to without him.

Another thing about his attitude tipped Bill off to where he might be headed. Tom always acted this way when he was meeting up with someone. Not just any someone; a groupie. Bill's insides grew cold at that thought. Tom was off to fuck another one of those damned groupies. But he couldn't, not today. Tom had promised. Bill frowned.

"But…" Tom stared impatiently. "We were gonna hang out today. Just us. We were gonna have a movie night. You promised me a week ago that we would have a day together."

Bill's voice broke slightly on the last sentence. Tom gave no indication that he'd noticed.

"Yeah well, things change. I've got plans. Sorry."

Without another word, the dreadlocked teen trotted off the bus to go meet up with his slut. Bill just stared at the spot his twin had just vacated. That didn't really just happen, did it? Tom, his twin, his fucking everything, had just dropped him like an old pair of shoes, for a fuck.

In that moment Bill could feel cold grow inside him. The day had finally come. He had lost his brother forever and he wouldn't ever get him back. He went numb to everything around him. Worried glances in his direction fell upon a blank stare as he made his way up to his room. Inquiries of concern fell on deaf ears as he reached the door and slumped to his bed.

He felt weak, too weak to be able to handle the feelings raging inside him any longer. He couldn't bear the thought of seeing Tom again and knowing, in his heart, that it wasn't his Tom anymore.

Bill sat up and wiped a stray tear from his cheek. He took a pen and a plain piece of paper and began to write.

**Ich schweig Deinen Namen,  
weil Du ihn jetzt,  
nicht hören willst.**

**I can't do this anymore Tomi...**

_And please, believe me _

_When I say, "I love you."_

Tom stumbled into his room. It wasn't particularly late, as he hadn't stayed long with his "date". She hadn't even been that good anyway. Ah well, its not like he'd had anything too important he'd missed. Then he'd remembered Bill. He did feel a bit shitty for doing that to his brother this morning, but a guy's got needs. Bill can't really expect him to sit around watching movies when he has a boner the size of the Eiffel tower.

Tom sighed to himself as he took off his jacket. He should probably go apologize. And hey, maybe the night can't go totally to waste after all. Maybe they could still hang out for a bit. Just like old times. He smiled fondly at the memories and headed for the door connecting his and Bill's rooms.

Opening the door, he found an empty room. Not a sign of Bill, he hadn't even unpacked yet. Odd…

He walked further into the room and headed towards the bathroom; maybe Bill was mad at him and hiding? He stopped short though, as he saw a piece of paper on the bed. Curious, he walked over and picked it up. He glanced it over, but quickly snapped his eyes back to read it properly. His shoulders tensed and every cell in his body went to red alert it seemed.

**Ich schweig Deinen Namen,  
weil Du ihn jetzt,  
nicht hören willst.**

**I can't do this anymore Tomi. I can't just stand by as you push me further and further away. We don't even talk to each other anymore. Honestly Tom, you don't treat me like your brother anymore, much less your twin. Do you know how much it breaks my heart every time you ditch me for one of your fucking groupies? Do you! I thought I could handle it, I thought I could lock up my feelings for you and turn a blind eye, but you know what Tom? I can't. It's become too much to stand, and I don't think I want to bear it any longer. Goodbye Tom. My Tomi.**

Tom couldn't believe what he was reading. What the hell was running through Bill's head when he had written this? That question suddenly seemed insignificant as something clicked inside Tom. He needed to find Bill; he needed to find his twin.

That wasn't just some runaway goodbye letter, that was a fucking suicide note!

Bill looked down at the dot-like cars speeding by. It sure was a long way down. He'd been standing there, in the freezing cold, staring down from the roof ledge for hours. Truth was, he was too much of a chicken-shit to actually jump.

It was kinda ironic really. He almost believed that he would turn around and see himself coming to rescue him, telling him not to jump, just like in the video.

But that wouldn't happen. This wasn't a video constructed from his imagination. This was the real world. No one cared about him, or they would have found him hours ago. They would have tried to stop him, if they cared. If Tom cared…

Tom rushed up the stairs as fast as he could in the stupidly oversized pants he wore. As he had left the room, he had called David, panting as he rushed for the staircase. He'd told him to get Saki or anyone and to get the roof quick; Bill was in danger.

Even if he had been incomprehensible, he knew that their manager had gotten that last sentence. Hopefully that pounding in his ear was them behind him and not the thumping of his heart.

He knew that Bill had to be on the roof. What else could have been the reason for the song lyrics in his letter?

Stupid Bill, unconsciously leaving clues in hopes that someone would save him, would stop him just in time. But Tom wouldn't be just in time if he didn't get up these goddamned stairs faster!

Bill had his eyes closed and he was sighing, almost swaying dangerously close to the edge in the light wind. Yet every time his weight shifted too close to over the edge, he leaned back and stopped himself. He really was chicken.

'Just do it you pussy.'

He gritted his teeth and was just about to seal his fate when, distantly he heard the sound of a door banging open. 'It couldn't be…'

He half turned his body to look at the only door on the roof. Said door had been practically ripped off its hinges and a panting red-faced boy was running towards him. Wait, that wasn't a boy. That was Tom.

Bill swirled around in surprise but his jerking movement upset his equilibrium so high up in the sky. He had no time to shift his weight and suddenly he was falling backwards. The wind rushed through his hair and he could hear Tom scream his name.

He grasped for something to hold onto, but caught nothing but air. He was going to die. The realization shocked through his body and his body went limp. _He was going to die._

(Ha, you thought I was going to leave you hanging huh? XD And thus, the conclusion of this short tale.)

Everything seemed to happen in a second and eternity at the same time. Tom saw Bill turn towards him as he rushed out of the doorway and he had seen the surprise on his twins face. The next thing he knew Bill was leaning back and all Tom could do was propel himself forward the last few feet as he called out his brother's name.

The hard concrete ledge dug into his stomach as he lurched far over the edge of it. But he paid no mind to that. All that mattered was that he had Bill's ankle in his hands and he wasn't going to move until he was back on the fucking roof.

Bill still seemed to be in some sort of shock, as he just hung there limply while Tom held on to his leg with a vice-like grip. He wondered momentarily if this was what death was like. Reliving your last moments for all eternity, and all the while the Fates show you all the ways you could have been saved had you just waited a goddamned minute more.

Tom's breathing slowed to normal, though his heart refused to slow. He tried to lift Bill's body but couldn't. Bill was deadweight at that angle. He gave up and just stood there, trying to hold back the sobs that so desperately wanted out. He looked down at Bill. Heartbreakingly beautiful Bill.

"Why Billa? Why Goddamn it!"

His whispers were taken by the wind and silence descended upon them.

Just as Tom's arms were starting to shake from effort of holding Bill up the door banged open again and thundering footsteps came rushing for the boys. Tom sobbed with relief. Saki leaned over to take Bill's limp body from his grasp and hauled him up. As soon as Bill was set down gently, Tom rushed to hold him to his chest.

His arms were almost too tight, but it seemed to wake Bill up from his stupor.

"Tomi?" his voice was so small, so faint that only Tom could hear it, and just barely. Tom buried his head in Bill's neck as the tears he'd been holding back spilled over.

"How could you do that to me Billa? How could you even think of doing that! I almost lost you! I can't lose you Bill. You jump, I jump, remember? I can't lose you…"

Tom was babbling, everything was pouring out at once and Bill had no idea what to make of it. He could only let himself be held by Tom. He could only be grateful that Tom was there, that he cared. They would work through everything else later. For now, they had each other. Now, Bill had his Tomi, and Tom had his Billa.

The End

???


End file.
